Blowing my Mind (written on October 10)

Science class impacted my day quite a bit today. We were talking about the flow of energy and how energy is passed from consumer to consumer, organism to organism. With each transferral of energy, a bit of that energy is lost as heat energy and is unusable for organisms to do work: but that's natural and normal. It's called the Second Law of Thermodynamics. As this heat energy is released, the order of the universe is reducing and the world is slowly moving towards chaos and entropy. Literally. Complete disorder. Just because of energy loss.

This kind of blew my mind. I had this huge connection to the whole world. Everything is SO interwoven and connected, and life is such a huge whole of which we are such a small part. But if we are so insignificant, why should we care? Why do we do what we do every day? What's the point, if we'll all eventually succumb to the disorder of the universe? Most likely, no one will be there to remember us, or anything that we did. It is quite possible that everything that happened on this Earth will vanish into oblivion. No one will ever know, care, or even wonder what could have happened. What we perceive as so much is in reality so little.

That, of course, brings up the questions, "Why do people live if (chances are) nothing we do will change anything in the grand scheme of things?" and "What is the point of human existence?"

I'll leave on that note. Just mull over it. Gaah. Still blowing my mind.

-Cora

Steve Jobs (written on October 6)

Today, I re-watched a speech by Steve Jobs that he made during the 2005 commencement ceremony at Stanford University. It is an absolutely brilliant speech. It's only fifteen minutes long, but what he said was extremely inspiring. Here's a quote from the speech that particularly impacted me:

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." (http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html)

Wow. It takes a little for the weight and the power of those words to settle in. If I were to die tomorrow, what would I do today? It's a really thought-provoking question. It really makes you think about what you want to do in life and what you value. It's also a difficult question for me to answer, because I really don't know much about what I want to do in life. I only know that I want to be happy. I want to love the world. I want to share something with the world. I want to make a difference, because I feel like that would make my life successful.

On that note, I'll conclude this journal entry. I realize that it isn't very long, but it has a lot of abstract concepts that I need to think about. I need to live a worthwhile left- it seems like it's some sort of unsaid duty I have to fulfill. Something else to think about.

Thank you, Steve Jobs, for posing questions that will riddle my mind for the rest of my life. Thank you for inspiring me and so many others to do great things. You will be remembered.

-Cora

Change

Written on 9/6/11

I had a huge revelation today.
I've changed a lot since middle school.
I've completely changed my clothing style. I actually wear jeans now- but in middle school, I wore jeans exactly once in all three years. I also wear skirts and tank tops with cardigans, which are also new additions in my wardrobe. Part of this is due to new dress code rules at school banning sweatpants and athletic wear, which basically was the extent of my "style" previously- simple and comfortable.
I've become more of a nerd. Happily. I enjoy being a nerd. I listen to Hank Green's music (as well as some other indie-style music), I love geeky TV shows like Bones, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and Angel), and I also watch a countless number of Youtubers (such as the vlogbrothers, Charlie McDonnell, Karen Kavett … shall I go on?) as they spend their amazing lives staring and vlogging into video cameras.
I've continued farther on my path to becoming a writer through new writing ideas I've come up with.
As to more of a general standpoint (away from the specifics for a bit):
I've discovered more of my self identity. I feel like I know more about my place. Not necessarily my place in the world- I'm not that far yet, though I wish I knew that- but my place in society, especially at school.
I've decided that though I'm changing a lot about myself, I'm never going to stop being me.
Most importantly, though, I've decided to accept myself. I accept who I am and where I belong. I have best friends by my side to support me, I am relatively liked and accepted by most people in my grade, and I even got asked to Homecoming by a guy I like :).
But none of this matters, in the grand scheme of things. In terms of the world, I'm just a young human being. My troubles don't change anything. Nothing I worry about really matters to anyone except me. So I'll just live the rest of my life striving to be me. That young human being in a huge universe. And I hope that I'll be better for it.

-Cora

the Other side of the world

The time has come for it to die.
The world has collapsed.
A collapsing world
filled with fear;
filled with pain;
filled with ignorant laughter,
the greatest sin of all,
for it is merely for
the sake of disregarding
the Other side of the world,
the side which people fear,
the side in which people feel pained,
the side which is dying.

But it's at the Other side of the world.

She calls out, but They calm her down.
"Listen to me!
There is fear,
and there is pain,
and there is death!"

"Don't worry, you'll be okay.
You're safe from the fear,
you're safe from the pain,
you're safe from the death.
Worry only about yourself,
and those nearest to you.
Protect yourself and them,
and you'll be okay.
The fear,
and the pain,
and the death-
they are present,
but they're at the Other side of the world."

And she weeps,
and she cries,
and she feigns laughter.
It is heartless laughter,
without a smile,
without feeling,
without hope.

She pretends to go along,
she pretends that she fits in,
and she pretends to laugh.

She is mimicking ignorant laughter,
just like the rest of Them,
just like the rest of Us.

She is the only one who knows.
She knows;
the Other side of the world
is still a side of the world.